Domestic Violence

Posted on 10th November 2015 | Category: CBT, Useful Tools

It is become a well known fact that reports of domestic violence with female perpetrators and male victims are increasing. Generally it is felt that professionals do not know how to handle this kind of violence and that in the past men have had trouble reporting occurrences. This article on Yahoo reports a trend of increasing partner violence initiated by women.

One of the reasons that men find it difficult to report female on male violence is down to childhood conditioning. From an early age boys are told to be mummy’s brave little soldier and are taught the suppression of their emotions and feelings.

Also mothers are considered to be one of the first messengers where boys learn that status is linked to achievement. Any man who is invited to his girlfriend’s house will undoubtedly have her mother enquiring into his achievements and job role. This is considered to be the masculine position.

Alongside this there are social messages and norms that are picked up by men, including social contact at school where boys are ridiculed and pushed down the pecking order for tearful outbreaks together with stories where white knights rescue damsels in distress from dangers untold.

Any man suffering violence at the hand of a woman usually expected so experience shame, guilt and something of an internal credibility gap as well as an external loss of status when word gets out they have reported the crime. It is this shaming that often silences men from reporting real danger and violence.

Men are generally responsive to social hierarchy as a result of conditioning that women do not have to suffer. For example men are expected to stop escalating anger and violence when the other party submits or onlookers decree that “he’s had enough mate”. Often women are not subject to the same pressures and conditioning and therefore have no off switch.

When combined with the belief that many women have that they can enact violence without repercussion and that men will always be blamed for the incidence of intimate partner violence means that we are now seeing a real rise in the amount of female initiated attacks. It is also notable that women are more likely to posture with violence, which is often seen as a socially acceptable response to the now outdated view espoused by many feminist writers that domestic violence is always attributable to men.

However in fairness this does not mean to say that women are always treated equally or fairly, sadly it is shown that our perceptions around an individual’s job role as well as their self identification can have an effect on how they are treated. In fact it can be easier for smaller women to rationalise violence than women who work in defence or in the police forces, as research actually show the latter is more likely to experience PTSD.

If you are having trouble with a violent partner then you should always report them to the police in the first instance. However if you are finding yourself increasingly prone to violent thoughts and responses to any stimulus in life then it may be a good idea to seek professional help.

Hypnotherapy can assist you in finding new strategies in dealing with your own inability to handle angry outbursts and may present you with alternative methods to find a calmer, more relaxed you. Why not contact me for a free consultation session where we can explore the options available to you.