Posted on 11th January 2016 | Category: CBT, Useful Tools

Working on a personal relationship with a significant other could be the hardest thing you’ll ever need to do if you want to be successful. It’s a real challenge to make interpersonal communication work when you have no professional boundaries or set methods of working to follow. As many people say, there is no map for marriage, so how do you help ensure that you don’t go down the dreaded road of divorce?

This article in the popular media looks at one of the simplest ways in which you can protect your relationship against divorce. By actively thanking your partner it is possible to build up an atmosphere of appreciation and gratitude in a marriage, preventing the spread of contempt and anger, which are perhaps the most damaging of all emotions in a relationship.

Extreme negativity is often seen as a key indicator that a marriage is failing and a prime factor in the failure. These behaviours have the ability to create a downward cycle where trust and admiration quickly falls apart. Marriage, like anything else in life such as cooking or computer games, gets better in life with positive practice.

By continually seeking the positive aspects of working with someone through gratitude and appreciation, the better the relationship becomes and the more you look forward to your time together as less of a chore and more of a bounty. As with everything worthwhile in life, the more you practice these behaviours, the better you’ll get at them.

One of the key aspects of working on communication is having compassion and understanding for yourself. You have to know who you are, where your weaknesses and strengths lie and how you fit into a relationship to feel good about yourself in a balanced and robust way. This way it’s easier to sustain a healthy relationship with a partner.

Turning round problems with communication is not being instantly reactive to problems. By not simply reflecting behaviour back and creating alternatives with new ideas and forms of conversation it is possible to step back and stop playing the game.

By viewing comments and statements through the lens of a wider understanding of how our partners normally act, we are able to dissociate their behaviour from their identity. If our partner isn’t usually incendiary or stressed, then perhaps we can do something to ease their situation rather than simply shouting back or complaining. By finding the time to smile, hug and laugh it’s often easier to diffuse situations.

A continual focus on the good aspects of the relationship, whilst even in difficult times will help your bond and connection grow, with plenty of moments for reflection and good feeling coming out of even the most troubling of situations. There will always be tough challenges in every walk of life, but these can be the stepping stones to long lasting commitment.

However there are times when the good feeling is outweighed by the negativity in the relationship, No communication has the potential to lead to huge rifts and a downward spiral in your understanding of your partner. If some kind of respect and recognition isn’t restored in the relationship then it may be best to walk away.

To find out how you can develop the personal strength and self appreciation necessary to develop the positive side of a relationship, then why not take a look at how CBT can help you overcome your own challenges? Book a free consultation session with me where we can talk through all the different options available to you.