A famous maxim within pop psychology says “when you compare, you despair”. This is simply down to the fact that we often like to see others as more competent, aware and able than ourselves. It is a way of tricking the self into inaction and building a comfort pocket where we don’t challenge ourselves to move on because we often feel we don’t have the skills or ability of others. This is sometimes even described as an attribute of imposter syndrome.
So if comparing yourself to others is a poor choice, how do we fare when we compare our loved ones or even our partners to those of others? This article in the popular psychological press takes a look at what happens when you indulge in the dark art of comparing your partner with those of your peers and friends.
This is a danger because people always have a tendency to make their lives look rosier from the outside. When we take a peek into the intimate situations of others they are often trying to portray a picture that’s in line with their expectation of their societal expectations. However when we are alone with our own partner we know the truths of our relationships – both positives and pitfalls.
An obvious example of this is parents who are worried about their children’s behaviour. Some parents might be concerned that their son spends too long programming a computer, and isn’t social enough, whilst other parents might believe that their son is set to grow up as a great game designer.
All too often we can look at our partner outside of the boosts and gifts that they give us. Whilst it is not always true that familiarity breeds contempt, it can be the case that we forget the boosts and strokes that we receive from our partners. Someone once said that having a good relationship is like oxygen; you never miss it until it’s completely gone.
When we compare our partnerships with those of others as like for like with our own this is where problems occur. However, when we examine who we are as people and understand how our relationships fit around us, it renews the idea that we have a special bond with our partner that isn’t simply something that comes from an off the shelf product. It is because of our own insecurities and anxieties that we all too often fall into the trap of believing that other partners appear better than our own.
Hypnotherapy and mindfulness allows you to understand yourself, your limitations and your strengths. Through this process you are able to feel comfortable with yourself and as a result you can better empathise with your partner and know what it is that they give to you.
If you are suffering from partner envy or you think that you might be losing your sense of perspective or with your relationship then perhaps a free consultation session could allow you to see the change hypnotherapy will make. Give me a call to find out more…